E/Jack- The Name Game

E was older about- 36 to my 26. I wanted to find someone to settle down with (or so I told myself). I met this big winter bearded man at Applebees for dinner and I was interested.


He was standoffish- right to the point and very aggressive with words. He would often ask questions that he thought he knew the answer to- When I would disagree he would poke fun and tease. I like to act like a tough skinned hard assed individual but I can only take so much negative affirmation. He wasn’t touchy- didn’t take me out other than that 1 time to Applebees. I spent 3 months watching “Naked and Afraid” on his couch and eating pizza. *Side note: I probably have every technique to win that show… anyone want to audition with me?*

Then things started to spice up a bit… but not in the way you would have guessed. Up to this point in my “dating” I had not tried Tinder….

As I was out at an Art fair being a salesman for my parents, (they are truly very created and talented)… I downloaded Tinder with the peer pressure of my siblings. I began swiping left and swiping right…

A very addictive app if you ask me. It was fun and entertaining. Until I came across a guy who looked just like my Naked pizza couch lover. Except his name was Jack. Not the name he had been giving me for the past few months. I took a screenshot of the profile and sent the picture to my “two named man”.

He began immediately calling me repeatedly. I denied the calls. I have no business causing a commotion at an Art Fair.

He resorted to texting as he began accusing me of not being trustworthy. Really Jack? Or E? Or… what ever the fuck your real name is. He said that I had no reason being on Tinder and still seeing him. He kept deflecting the question about why he had 2 different names on 2 different dating websites/apps.

“It is not a big deal”

– The name game man

I quote “It is not a big deal”, as the only explanation for the 2 different name game. We did not see eachother much after that. Now that I knew for sure I did not want a 36 year going on 80 year old couch relationshit. Not to mention he once tricked me into eating WOODCHUCK. Fucked up. I looked for a younger not too young but 21-32 was my new search criteria for age. Not that it made any difference… anyone younger than me (26) made me cringe.. It may be the teacher in me. But what do I know? I will tell you 1 thing… I don’t know JACK!

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