Not much after my break up with my 5 year too long boyfriend… I decided to hit up FB (Facebook) for some past crushes. By liking their photos– I expected them to know I was interested. Now that I look back on it… it is creepy to stalk people on FB… but FB is creepy anyways. When people receive my FB friend request if they confirm— they are basically giving me full rights to do/think/share whatever I please with whatever they post. END OF TANGENT
Back to the Mexican, I like to call “Saint Dick”…..
This papi was a “mutual acquaintance” from my brothers old employer. Side Note- this isn’t the only person of Spanish decent I have been with… let us just say– based on my research– they are all small. Not just their height but also in “their package”. To really understand what I was dealing with, do this real quick… give my post a literal thumbs up. Look at your thumb now in front of the screen. Look at it real good in the light. Now, attach small balls and waaahlla! You have a Mexican shlong. Highly disappointing.
SOO this fling is going to last as long as his micropenis. We have sex for about 2 minutes and 33 seconds (after talking and snap-chatting for a couple weeks). Not that I timed it–my time/estimation skills are actually on point! It wasn’t the bad sex/micropenis that ended the fling– No it was the ghosting (AKA one word answers to texts or no answers at all AKA disappearing dick.. even though his dick was already difficult to see..)
After the night we spent together, I had to drop him off back at his parents trailer… at the trailer park. No, I am not a shallow bitch–But looking back I should have been. When dropping off papi, he requested that I drop him off down the street. In order for his VERY old parents to not see us. RED FLAG #451
After the rolling stop and flee, I fantasized about a relationshit in the works. GAH please… days later–after some verbal harassment from me, he finally sent a text that said “I need a more GODLY woman” Yes, that really happened.
A Godly woman? While he is shoving his tiny dick where it doesn’t belong? WATCH OUT–this was step 1 of creating the Devil’s spawn AKA me. Ok ok, thats dramatic I was just an angry haggard recently heartbroken bitch. Now to bigger (HOPEFULLY) and better things.
Let me read up on my bible verses…