I come from a broken family. My biological father lives in Utah (visit regularly) and my mom lives in Michigan with my “immediate” family. Life was no perfect fairytale. What story would I have to tell if it was? BUT it was a wonderful childhood/adulthood/preteen/almost adulthood life to live.
Yes, I have daddy issues (working on that currently with counseling with Mr. Steve, you will hear about him throughout the ramblings). These issues lead me to have a few unfortunate “habits” in my dating life.
I began dating at the age of 13 and would continue to have “long term” relationships into my 20’s. Looking for- craving- begging for someone to complete me. Unfortunately, I have a “fixer” personality type. Most teachers are… we pick people who had a not so great upbringing with addictive qualities.
My “type” has been known to be the bad boy- the one who makes me chase him all around town. First understand this… I DO NOT RUN IN REAL LIFE!
I have accepted that my t-rex arms and legs are not optimal for the sport.
Anyway, yes- my type of “man” basically someone who is incapable of loving, caring… someone who is a self centered narcissist. That is somehow comforting to me.
In the uncertainty of love (definition please?!) I had ultimate control- because I know the person I picked was going to be a heartbreak. Call me negative- call me cynical- hell call me a crazy bitch! You could be right… but in a world full of so much uncertainty, pain, hurt, deceitfulness… you have the choice to protect yourself. It may not seem like my choice of “armor” protected me (because honestly it did not), however I could not- would not- imagine anything worse that being “alone”. Without a mate.
It was after a few to many failed attempts with Mr. Long Term Wrongs, that I realized it is much worse to be with someone and still feel alone. Lets take a closer look. We will skip the first few relationshits just to save you the middle school/high school drama.